Tell them what you Want

By Christopher Davies

Tell them what you want

One of the staff in a high school found it difficult to stop students running up and down the stairs. She continually told them not to run but it made little difference. She was at her wits’ end. I suggested that instead of telling them not to run she say something like: “Slow down please” or “Walk down the stairs.” She was excited and somewhat amazed to report that it had worked – such a little change in language brought such a marked improvement in the match between what she wanted the kids to do and what they actually did.

How does this happen?

If I don’t want you to think of pink elephants and I say “Don’t think of pink elephants” what happens? You immediately get a picture of pink elephants in your mind and then, if you are feeling complicit as you read this, you try not to think about them. Now, if I’d asked you not to think about red rhinos, for example, there is much less chance of you conjuring up those pink elephants.

The mind works a bit like a search engine on the internet. Put in a word, press SEARCH and all the references to that word come up on the screen. Put in a mental suggestion like pink elephants and you don’t even have to press a button; up come images of pink elephants on the screen of the mind.

And that’s what happens in kids’ minds when we tell them not to do something. Its not wilful disobedience so much as the mind making pictures and the body going towards them.

Bill Rogers – in his excellent behaviour management series “Corrective Discipline” – suggests using the pattern “When …. then ….” rather than “You can’t …. because….”

For example: “Johnny, when you have finished tidying your room, then you can go out to play.” rather than: “Johnny you can’t go out to play because your room is a mess”

With the first sentence Johnny gets a picture in his mind of tidying his room, then going out to play. Just what we want. In the second sentence we’re inviting his subconscious to picture himself not being able to go out to play and with an untidy room.

This works for our own internal dialogue as well. If we continually tell ourselves that we shouldn’t be eating those cream cakes (assuming we want to lose weight) we’re making things unnecessarily difficult for ourselves.

Suggestion

If you catch yourself about to ask a child, or tell yourself, not to do something, ask them/tell yourself to do an alternative instead. The unconscious mind will make pictures of whatever words you say – so choose the ones you want the listener to see.

Some alternatives to use.

I mustn’t eat that cream cake – I will leave the cream cake in the shop.

Don’t be late – Come home in good time.

Stop shouting – Talk quietly.

You can’t have any pudding because you haven’t eaten your meat. – When you’ve eaten your meat you can have some pudding

10 Amazingly Simle Tricks To Turn Your Brain Into A Powerful Thinking Machine

There are two basic principles to keep your brain healthy and sharp as you age: variety and curiosity. When anything you do becomes second nature, you need to make a change. If you can do the crossword puzzle in your sleep, it's time for you to move on to a new challenge in order to get the best workout for your brain. Curiosity about the world around you, how it works and how you can understand it will keep your brain working fast and efficiently. Use the ideas below to help attain your quest for mental fitness.

1. Read a Book

Pick a book on an entirely new subject. Read a novel set in Egypt. Learn about economics. There are many excellent popular non-fiction books that do a great job entertaining you while teaching about a subject. Become an expert in something new each week. Branch out from familiar reading topics. If you usually read history books, try a contemporary novel. Read foreign authors, the classics and random books. Not only will your brain get a workout by imagining different time periods, cultures and peoples, you will also have interesting stories to tell about your reading, what it makes you think of and the connections you draw between modem life and the words.

2. Play Games

Games are a wonderful way to tease and challenge your brain. Suduko, crosswords and electronic games can all improve your brain's speed and memory. These games rely on logic, word skills, math and more. These games are also fun. You'll get benefit more by doing these games a little bit every day-spend 15 minutes or so, not hours.

3. Use Your Opposite Hand

Spend the day doing things with your non-dominant hand. If you are left-handed, open doors with your right hand. If you are right-handed, try using your keys with your left. This simple task will cause your brain to lay down some new pathways and rethink daily tasks. Wear your watch on the opposite hand to remind you to switch.

4. Learn Phone Numbers

Our modem phones remember every number that calls them. No one memorizes phone numbers anymore, but it is a great memory Skill. Learn a new phone number everyday.

5. Eat for Your Brain

Your brain needs you to eat healthy fats. Focus on fish oils from wild salmon, nuts such as walnuts, seeds such as flax seed and olive oil. Eat more of these foods and less saturated fats. Eliminate transfats completely from your diet.

6. Break the Routine

We love our routines. We have hobbies and pastimes that we could do for hours on end. But the more something is second nature, the less our brains have to work to do it. To really help your brain stay young, challenge it. Change routes to the grocery store, use your opposite hand to open doors and eat dessert first. All this will force your brain to wake up from habits and pay attention again.

7. Go a Different way

Drive or walk a different way to wherever you go. This little change in routine helps the brain practice special memory and directions. Try different side streets go through stores in a different order anything to change your route.

8. Learn a New Skill

Learning a new skill works multiple areas of the brain. Your memory comes into play, you learn new movements and you associate things differently. Reading Shakespeare, learning to cook and building an airplane out of tooth picks all will challenge your brain and give you something to think about.

9. Make Lists

Lists are wonderful. Making lists helps us to associate items with one another. Make a list of all the places you have traveled. Make a list of the tastiest foods you have eaten. Make a list of the best presents you have been given. Make one list every day to jog your memory and make new connections. But don't become too reliant on them. Make your grocery list, but then try to shop without it. Use the list once you have put every item you can think of in your cart. Do the same with your "to do" lists.

10. Choose a new skill

Find something that captivates you that you can do easily in your home and doesn't cost too much. Photography with a digital camera, learning to draw, learning a musical instrument learning new cooking styles, or writing are all great choices.

"I v/s YOU"

We all have been a witness to this situation day in - day out, at home, at office, in the society at large this scenario of "I v/s You".

Some common day to day examples of such “I v/s You” are:

AT HOME:

· Husband v/s Wife

· Son v/s Father

· Brother v/s Brother

· Daughter-in- Law v/s Mother-in-Law

· Elder Daughter-in- Law v/s Younger Daughter-in- Law

AT WORK:

· Boss v/s Subordinate

· Subordinate v/s Colleagues

· Manager v/s Executive

· Workers v/s Managers

· Accounts v/s Logistics

· Operations v/s Marketing

IN THE SOCIETY:

· My Language v/s Your Language

· My Place v/s Your Place

· My Culture v/s My Culture

· My Status v/s Your Status

If you think deep and introspect of all the above relationships, you will get an insight that the result of this situation of I v/s You is non other than WIN / LOSE. Even if one out of the two wins the other loses and the competition continues like a vicious circle of Win – Lose.

And may I ask - Winning at what cost?

Losing the relationship at home, having bitterness with the immediate loved one?

Losing the good person at work or arousing resentment and demotivation?

Or shying away a noble person from the society or giving rise to a feeling of indifference, making the other develop an attitude of I don’t care?

Is this really Winning? Is it necessary to have such victory where the other lose?

This is a question which many people ask me during the workshops and training programs, Shabbar “tell me what do I do”, “Shall I start losing then” .. ‘Should I give up”.. or “why must I always lose”.. and as usual I love to say develop an attitude of “Win – Win’.

If your are in a relationship you cannot WIN at the cost of other Losing. This is not a game which you are playing where Winning is important. Yes, it’s a game where Win – Win is important like a true sportsman where you love and respect the other party.

I love to share this another beautiful example of your own body. Which is your strong hand? Which hand does more work? Which hand you use more often then the other?

The answer is, for all the Right hander it’s the right hand and the left hander it’s the left hand.

Now lets take the case of the Right Handed person.. Imagine this Right hand start playing I v/s You game, and says, “I am I what are you?” “I do all the work what do you do?” Right hand goes further and says “I will always be in the front of this body and you the left hand – the inferior, you will always remain back.”

Can you imagine how will your body look when you walk with your right hand always is in the front and left hand always back.. you will appear like a robot.. or it will appear weird.

Trust you will appreciate that the creator god has not made any distinction in our body between two similar parts, although one performs more and the other performs less or at times it appears so. How can you and me ordinary human beings practice I v/s You.

So friends, today, think about all your relationship and make a checklist where you are playing this game of I v/s You and practice the 5 A’s.

· Acknowledge

· Appreciate

· Apologize (it requires a lot of courage to do so)

· Ask for forgiveness

· Attitude of Gratitude

When you have practiced the 5A’s you will feel the transformation from I v/s You and you will feel the WE. This WE will be the power of Synergy to actually play the game against THEM where we need to win. A check list of “THEM”

· Ego

· Pride

· Hatred

· Disharmony

· Jealousy

· Guilt

· Fear

· Scarcity

· Limiting Belief

· Weakness

· Negative

· Our Competitors

Let us ‘WE” get together and WIN against THEM.

Trust you enjoyed reading the above. Request you to share your feedback on the same.

Don't Make Anyone Feel Small

Do not belittle the other person. Do not make him feel small. Do not criticize him or find fault with him.

No one likes to be criticized. Look for good qualities in others and appreciate them. When you appreciate others, you draw out the best that is in them. .

Never scold children. When you scold them, you stifle the life-force that is within them.

Mr.X asked a little boy:- “My child, what is your name?”

He answered:- “At school, they call me Adam. At home, I am called
Adam-don’t.”

Mr.X could not understand. And he explained:- “At school they call me Adam. But whenever I am at home, they always tell me, Adam don’t behave like this, Adam don’t speak like this, Adam don’t sit like this, Adam don’t talk like this!”

Appreciate your children. Appreciate your spouse. Women have complained:-
“There was a time when our husbands gave us many pledges, but all that has become part of history. Today, they pay no attention to us. They take us for granted.”

Tonight, as you return to your homes, go and tell your spouse:- “Honey, where would I have been without you?” Those few, simple words can enact a miracle.

When Mr.Y was in Hong Kong, at one of the lectures, a leading man of Hong Kong presided. At the meeting, Mr.Y offered this suggestion. And the man, who presided over the meeting, met him the next day. He said:- “Truly, the words you passed on to us yesterday, have enacted a miracle. When I returned home last night, I told my wife, ‘Honey, where would I have been without you?’ At first, my wife could not understand. Her face was blank. Then, gradually, as the meaning of those words became clear, her face brightened
and her eyes glowed with a strange light. Since then, the entire
atmosphere of the house has changed!”

Appreciate your friends, your spouse, your children.... ........