Saturday, June 16, 2007


1.It takes two to argue. If you do not give an answer, there cannot be an argument. Just say, "I will talk about this later on" and just softly repeat that phrase.

2.Arguments increases with the volume of the arguers. "A soft answer turns away wrath" (Proverbs 15:1). The more forcefully the other person argues, the quieter your response becomes. You will see the other side tone down his/her voice in response.

3.You don't have an argument if you agree. "That's a nice point." "I have not thought about this." "You are extremely right." Focus on where you can agree, not where you don't agree.

4.Admit you were wrong. No one is a perfect person. Find something to say you are sorry for, to take responsibility for. The other person will feel nice and may even own up to some mistakes of his/her own.

5.Do not accuse or attack. Don't say, "Why did you say this!" "You did this and that!" Ask questions, don't make statements. And ask questions with sincerity not as a cutting sword to make an attack.

6.Remember your goal! In married life, you want harmony, peace, a good atmosphere, love. Arguments lead to stress and anxiety, not peace and pleasantness. Tell yourself: I love my spouse, I love my kids, I love my money (divorces cost a lot of money).

7.Don't be foolish to show disrespect to your partner and to yourself by saying things that are damaging, mean or not worthwhile. You chose this person to be your husband/wife. This is the person above all others who has the qualities to be chosen over the other billions of people on this earth.

8.Turn the argument into a discussion. Don't defend yourself only; give an idea or problem to be clarified. People of good will who reason together can come to a common decision. Listen with an open mind. Be a judge, not a lawyer!

9.Ask yourself, "Is this argument really necessary?" In the end, whatever you are arguing about may not seem so important in the real sense.

1 comment:

Herina said...

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