"I v/s YOU"

We all have been a witness to this situation day in - day out, at home, at office, in the society at large this scenario of "I v/s You".

Some common day to day examples of such “I v/s You” are:

AT HOME:

· Husband v/s Wife

· Son v/s Father

· Brother v/s Brother

· Daughter-in- Law v/s Mother-in-Law

· Elder Daughter-in- Law v/s Younger Daughter-in- Law

AT WORK:

· Boss v/s Subordinate

· Subordinate v/s Colleagues

· Manager v/s Executive

· Workers v/s Managers

· Accounts v/s Logistics

· Operations v/s Marketing

IN THE SOCIETY:

· My Language v/s Your Language

· My Place v/s Your Place

· My Culture v/s My Culture

· My Status v/s Your Status

If you think deep and introspect of all the above relationships, you will get an insight that the result of this situation of I v/s You is non other than WIN / LOSE. Even if one out of the two wins the other loses and the competition continues like a vicious circle of Win – Lose.

And may I ask - Winning at what cost?

Losing the relationship at home, having bitterness with the immediate loved one?

Losing the good person at work or arousing resentment and demotivation?

Or shying away a noble person from the society or giving rise to a feeling of indifference, making the other develop an attitude of I don’t care?

Is this really Winning? Is it necessary to have such victory where the other lose?

This is a question which many people ask me during the workshops and training programs, Shabbar “tell me what do I do”, “Shall I start losing then” .. ‘Should I give up”.. or “why must I always lose”.. and as usual I love to say develop an attitude of “Win – Win’.

If your are in a relationship you cannot WIN at the cost of other Losing. This is not a game which you are playing where Winning is important. Yes, it’s a game where Win – Win is important like a true sportsman where you love and respect the other party.

I love to share this another beautiful example of your own body. Which is your strong hand? Which hand does more work? Which hand you use more often then the other?

The answer is, for all the Right hander it’s the right hand and the left hander it’s the left hand.

Now lets take the case of the Right Handed person.. Imagine this Right hand start playing I v/s You game, and says, “I am I what are you?” “I do all the work what do you do?” Right hand goes further and says “I will always be in the front of this body and you the left hand – the inferior, you will always remain back.”

Can you imagine how will your body look when you walk with your right hand always is in the front and left hand always back.. you will appear like a robot.. or it will appear weird.

Trust you will appreciate that the creator god has not made any distinction in our body between two similar parts, although one performs more and the other performs less or at times it appears so. How can you and me ordinary human beings practice I v/s You.

So friends, today, think about all your relationship and make a checklist where you are playing this game of I v/s You and practice the 5 A’s.

· Acknowledge

· Appreciate

· Apologize (it requires a lot of courage to do so)

· Ask for forgiveness

· Attitude of Gratitude

When you have practiced the 5A’s you will feel the transformation from I v/s You and you will feel the WE. This WE will be the power of Synergy to actually play the game against THEM where we need to win. A check list of “THEM”

· Ego

· Pride

· Hatred

· Disharmony

· Jealousy

· Guilt

· Fear

· Scarcity

· Limiting Belief

· Weakness

· Negative

· Our Competitors

Let us ‘WE” get together and WIN against THEM.

Trust you enjoyed reading the above. Request you to share your feedback on the same.

Don't Make Anyone Feel Small

Do not belittle the other person. Do not make him feel small. Do not criticize him or find fault with him.

No one likes to be criticized. Look for good qualities in others and appreciate them. When you appreciate others, you draw out the best that is in them. .

Never scold children. When you scold them, you stifle the life-force that is within them.

Mr.X asked a little boy:- “My child, what is your name?”

He answered:- “At school, they call me Adam. At home, I am called
Adam-don’t.”

Mr.X could not understand. And he explained:- “At school they call me Adam. But whenever I am at home, they always tell me, Adam don’t behave like this, Adam don’t speak like this, Adam don’t sit like this, Adam don’t talk like this!”

Appreciate your children. Appreciate your spouse. Women have complained:-
“There was a time when our husbands gave us many pledges, but all that has become part of history. Today, they pay no attention to us. They take us for granted.”

Tonight, as you return to your homes, go and tell your spouse:- “Honey, where would I have been without you?” Those few, simple words can enact a miracle.

When Mr.Y was in Hong Kong, at one of the lectures, a leading man of Hong Kong presided. At the meeting, Mr.Y offered this suggestion. And the man, who presided over the meeting, met him the next day. He said:- “Truly, the words you passed on to us yesterday, have enacted a miracle. When I returned home last night, I told my wife, ‘Honey, where would I have been without you?’ At first, my wife could not understand. Her face was blank. Then, gradually, as the meaning of those words became clear, her face brightened
and her eyes glowed with a strange light. Since then, the entire
atmosphere of the house has changed!”

Appreciate your friends, your spouse, your children.... ........

Body Language

"Signals of a Liar"

In order to spot a liar, use a person's usual behavior as a measuring stick to see if they're stretching the truth.

But when it comes to reading a person, body language speaks volumes. There are some gestures and mannerisms to look out for in order to catch a liar, so long as they differ from the person's regular actions.

Lying Gestures

· rapid eye movement

· crossed arms

· constant fidgeting

· eyes focused to the right (indicates use of the creative side of the brain)

· eyes focused firmly on an object

· rubbing eye

· eyes either wide open or partly shut

· legs crossed when seated

· legs not planted firmly on the ground when seated

· holding an object or gripping ankle, knee, or skin of a crossed leg when seated.

· touching face, such as lips, cheeks, chin, nose, etc.

· playing with hair

· tugging ear

Although we've always been taught that lack of eye contact is a dead giveaway of a liar, it's not necessarily evidence as we have been conditioned to look another in the eye when it comes to business and sports, in order to psych-out our opponent. We have almost been raised to be good liars.

Many of the aforementioned gestures such as the ear tugging, eye rubbing, mouth covering, and nose tapping can point to a liar as the liar's body language is saying, "I can't believe what I'm saying!"

While body language can be a good indicator of a liar, a person's unconscious mannerisms aren't always reliable. It's your job to play detective and put the puzzle pieces together, by using the subject's speech.

Emotional Gestures & Contradiction

• Timing and duration of emotional gestures and emotions are off a normal pace. The display of emotion is delayed, stays longer than it would naturally, then stops suddenly.

• Timing is off between emotions gestures/expression s and words. Example: Someone says "I love it!" when receiving a gift, and then smile after making that statement, rather than at the same time the statement is made.

• Gestures/expression s don’t match the verbal statement, such as frowning when saying “I love you.”

• Expressions are limited to mouth movements when someone is faking emotions (like happy, surprised, sad, awe, )instead of the whole face. For example; when someone smiles naturally their whole face is involved: jaw/cheek movement, eyes and forehead push down, etc.

Interactions and Reactions

• A guilty person gets defensive. An innocent person will often go on the offensive.

• A liar is uncomfortable facing his questioner/accuser and may turn his head or body away.

• A liar might unconsciously place objects (book, coffee cup, etc.) between themselves an Verbal Context and Content

• A liar will use your words to make answer a question. When asked, “Did you eat the last cookie?” The liar answers, “No, I did not eat the last cookie.”

•A statement with a contraction is more likely to be truthful: “ I didn't do it” instead of “I did not do it”

• Liars sometimes avoid "lying" by not making direct statements. They imply answers instead of denying something directly.

• The guilty person may speak more than natural, adding unnecessary details to convince you... they are not comfortable with silence or pauses in the conversation.

• A liar may leave out pronouns and speak in a monotonous tone. When a truthful statement is made the pronoun is emphasized as much or more than the rest of the words in a statement.

• Words may be garbled and spoken softly, and syntax and grammar may be off. In other words, his sentences will likely be muddled rather than emphasized.

Other signs of a lie:

• If you believe someone is lying, then change subject of a conversation quickly, a liar follows along willingly and becomes more relaxed. The guilty wants the subject changed; an innocent person may be confused by the sudden change in topics and will want to back to the previous subject.

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A paradigm shift in thinking.

Ducks Quack , Eagles Fly

A paradigm shift in thinking.

No one can make you serve customers well. That's because great service is a choice. Years ago, my friend, Adam, told me a wonderful story about a cab driver that proved this point.

He was waiting in line for a ride at the airport. When a cab pulled up, the first thing Adam noticed was that the taxi was polished to a bright shine. Smartly dressed in a khakhi shirt, e, and freshly pressed khakhi slacks, the cab driver jumped out and rounded the car to open the back passenger door for Adam .

He handed my friend a laminated card and said:

"I'm Wally, your driver. While I'm loading your bags in the trunk I'd like you to read my mission statement."

Taken aback, Adam read the card. It said:

Wally's Mission Statement:

To get my customers to their destination in the quickest, safest and cheapest way possible in a friendly environment.

This blew Adam away. Especially when he noticed that the inside of the cab matched the outside. Spotlessly clean!

As he slid behind the wheel, Wally said, "Would you like a cup of coffee? I have a thermos of regular and one of decaf."

My friend said jokingly, "No, I'd prefer a soft drink."

Wally smiled and said, "No problem. I have a cooler up front with regular and Diet Coke, water and orange juice."

Almost stuttering, Adam said, "I'll take a Diet Coke."

Handing him his drink, Wally said, "If you'd like something to read, I have The Times, Sports Illustrated and India Today."

As they were pulling away, Wally handed my friend another laminated card. "These are the stations I get and the music they play, if you'd like to listen to the radio."

And as if that weren't enough, Wally told Adam the best route to his destination for that time of day. He also let him know that he'd be happy to chat and tell him about some of the sights or, if Adam preferred, to leave him with his own thoughts.

"Tell me, Wally," my amazed friend asked the driver, "have you always served customers like this?"

Wally smiled into the rearview mirror. "No, not always. In fact, it's only been in the last two years. My first five years driving, I spent most of my time complaining like all the rest of the cabbies do. Then I heard the personal growth guru, Wayne Dyer, on the radio one day.

He had just written a book called You'll See It When You Believe It. Dyer said that if you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad day, you'll rarely disappoint yourself. He said, 'Stop complaining! Differentiate yourself from your competition. Don't be a duck. Be an eagle. Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd.'"

"That hit me right between the eyes," said Wally. "Dyer was really talking about me. I was always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my attitude and become an eagle. I looked around at the other cabs and their drivers. The cabs were dirty, the drivers were unfriendly, and the customers were unhappy. So I decided to make some changes. I put in a few at a time. When my customers responded well, I did more."

"I take it that has paid off for you," Adam said.

"It sure has," Wally replied. "My first year as an eagle, I doubled my income from the previous year. This year I'll probably quadruple it. You were lucky to get me today. I don't sit at cabstands anymore. My customers call me for appointments on my cell phone or leave a message on my answering machine. If I can't pick them up myself, I get a reliable cabbie friend to do it and I take a piece of the action."

Wally was phenomenal. He was running a limo service out of a Yellow Cab. I've probably told that story to more than fifty cab drivers over the years, and only two took the idea and ran with it. Whenever I go to their cities, I give them a call. The rest of the drivers quacked like ducks and told me all the reasons they couldn't do any of what I was suggesting.

Wally the Cab Driver made a different choice. He decided to stop quacking like ducks and start soaring like eagles.

How about you?